Journal Entry: Confidence
We’ve all heard the lecture on how confidence comes from within, right?
Well, cliché or not, it’s true.While I was bagging somebody’s groceries at work a couple years ago, I received a pretty special compliment that still makes me smile.
A customer told me that I was “just the most beautiful, happy little ball of confidence” they ever saw… Isn’t that the most adorable statement ever? My heart.
It totally made my day, but it also got me thinking. I haven’t always been confident, and I didn’t even really notice that I’d gotten more confident until this kind lady pointed it out. In the past five years, my confidence has exploded. It’s been rocky at points, and the end of 2018 was an adventure in insecurity land… but overall I’m confident in who I am and who I aim to be and the decisions I make.
That feels amazing! I’m sure some of it just has to do with life experience, but I can think of a few things I’ve done or realized that probably had a lot to do with the sudden change:
First, I learned a tiny bit of self-discipline.
I know, gross. It’s true though, I started focusing on actually saving money (Instead of just saying I would, and then spending it...cause oops- note, I’m not perfect. Still do this. It’s like a spiral in an upward direction though, we’re getting there!). I started actually getting up early instead of only saying I was a morning person. I started keeping the house more tidy instead of acting like I had no idea how it got so messy when people would come over unexpectedly.
It was tough at first, but I was determined.
After just a couple weeks I really got into the habit of waking up early, having my coffee, getting some chores done, and enjoying all the extra time I had to get ready and have breakfast before starting the day. Basically, I learned how to follow through. Man, life would have been easier if I’d cooperated with that lesson a little earlier on…
The extra morning hours gave me more time to write and study and to play with my puppies. I seriously can’t think of any downside, except maybe that I am totally exhausted the next morning if I stay up too late one night. The early-bird-but-also-night-owl-and-basically-excited-for-life-24/7 struggle. I can’t be the only one!
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is it’s important to get curious about your abilities!
Push yourself to do something just for the sake of doing it. Mundane things kinda suck, in my opinion, but sometimes they are worth it. Waking up to a clean more often than not feels amazing. Waking up to a clean living room and hot coffee every morning, hallelujah. It’s great. And with the procrastination of mundane chores out of the way first thing in the morning, suddenly I have more time and motivation for things I actually enjoy!
But that’s not all that changed.
The second thing I did was I finally learned to show myself some well-deserved love.
I don’t just mean that looking in the mirror and liking what I see type of self-love- although that’s important too! I mean being understanding with myself if I’m grumpy or tired, if I mess up, if I oversleep. I mean washing my feet in a warm little lavender bath after the first few days of a new job absolutely murdered my poor feets.
I also mean making time to write every day and having a few minutes to myself at sunset to water my plants and just enjoy the view and the fresh air. I learned to see the beauty in the things I enjoy rather than analyzing everysinglething and wishing I knew more about what’s popular like Star Wars and whatever that new Pokémon thing is. Like yes I love Pokémon, but I totally don’t keep up with media, like at all, I’m the worst at that. And I’m okay with it.
I realized I’m a pretty chipper, curious, goofy little human, and I am SO READY to embrace that.
Finally, I just let go.
People who know me well tell me all the time, “You just gotta let that go. You just gotta let go. Just don’t worry about it.” Ha. Easy for them to say, right?
If you’re anything like me, the word “just” in all of that drives you crazy, because as much as you’d love to let go, you don’t know how.
I feel you. But I did it. I actually did just let go. And it was amazing. Nothing fell apart, the whole world didn’t stop, nobody stopped loving me, I didn’t implode, everything was okay.
The first thing I did was I took my happy little self to www.girrlscout.com and bought my happy little self that Fearless Little Fucker bomber jacket I wanted from the day she came out with it. I bought that jacket so hard. And it is literally perfect.
(Note- I didn’t get anything from Michelle @girrlscout for writing this, this story is actually from years ago. Her products also aren’t all vegan last time I checked. She’s just a rad girl I love supporting who brought a lot of ferocity and sass into my life.)
Since letting go of the unrealistic and honestly fake standards I was constantly trying to uphold…
I decided to stop closing doors in my own face. I let go of all those ridiculous worries and fears, and I just started doing what my gut told me to and what thrilled me. And I have no regrets from doing it.
Confidence really does come from inside of yourself, but it’s not just about beauty or not feeling scared or anxious. Confidence is a way of thinking and being, and it takes some work and a whole lot of practice. Start by building good habits that provide structure and streamline your to-do list, that way you have more time for exploring yourself and the world every day. How do you expect to get confident in life if you don’t actually have any experience living? You gotta live it up!
And one final tip…
Treat yourself with the patience and kindness you would offer any other person. Everyone has ups and downs and bad days and bad habits. You wouldn’t want to go into every day looking for the worst in every single person, you’ll be happier (and so will they!) if you go out and look for the best in them… so do yourself the same favor!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this peek inside my mind. This is a topic I feel in every area of my life and I’m hoping some part of my experience can help you in your own journey to confidence. Let me know in the comments below what you thought, and tell me about your own adventure in the world of self-confidence, I love to hear from you.
Good luck, you got this!