Journal Entry: WTF am I doing with my life? (& how to answer that question for yourself)

Food for thought: Who wants to catch flies?

This post is a throwback, originally written in 2016!

Life has thrown me a few curve balls and my mindset and attitude have really faltered along the way. Today I caught myself asking what to do when your attitude and energy just aren’t working together, and I decided to reflect back on this post and take my own advice. So from me to me (and you), here’s a little advice and insight from the wise and abundantly joyful, brilliant Jessica of early 2016! I pray we all leave this post with a little more of her enthusiasm, magnetic energy, and confidence. Let’s look back.


We've all heard the saying "You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar," right?

Well, as much as I don't see the point in wasting honey to catch flies, this charming idea really hit home for me this week!

I haven't posted in a couple weeks- sorry! But I'm about to spill the beans about where I've been. Get ready.

First off- I quit my stable, comfortable, high paying (well, for Idaho), secure job... before I even had an interview for this other job I wanted...

Now who in their right mind would do that? (Well, me, clearly!) But here's the thing- I realized that I don't want to spend another minute doing a job I dislike for a company who's values aren't in the right place. I couldn't bring myself to keep doing that. It was a pretty neat job, but it wasn't for me, and anyone who knows me knows my values are far from those of a major hospital and the largest employer in Idaho. (2019 edit: I’ve since come to understand even large employers and corporations can have really beautiful intentions and missions. I’d amend this with my new experience to say it wasn’t right for me at the time, not that their values were off. Okay, back to the post!)
So, I made an appointment with my boss for the very next morning, and I broke the news.

Now, since the moment it hit me that I couldn't spend another minute working for a company I don't agree with, I dove head first into getting a job- any job- with the company I've been dreaming about for years. In my dazed mid-nightshift-state, I wrote an open, honest, and passionate letter to the manager explaining who I was and why this mattered so much to me. The next morning (and the morning after that and the morning after that and...) I went in and met my future team-members (I told you I was determined!)... I got to know all of the managers, and I eventually found myself having a quick little snack with the hiring manager. The rest is history. I got the job.

That same day, I heard back from one of my old employers, accepting my offer to come back and work for them typing transcriptions, notes, and captions to videos and lectures for university students with disabilities requiring these services.

So here's some more excitement, as if there hasn't been enough already!

I recently started studying through The Herbal Academy of New England online, which has been incredible and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in herbs and herbal medicine. Anyway, I don't have permission to give specific details, but I just might have a completely amazing job for them that will help pay for some of my next course, and it's all because of my job from the university and all that they taught me!

So despite quitting my vanilla cookie cutter job, I have an awesome prospective income for the foreseeable future (well, if any of the future is foreseeable, that is!), and rewarding, educational work that is great for the environment, for animals, for my own health, and for my community. I'm truly doing what I love, learning and growing as a person every single day, and my dreams are coming true like dominoes, one after another!

All this to say that the universe finally got through to me…

Positivity gets you places! You don't just wander into your highest of highs in life, you get there intentionally.

You might not have control over the details, but you have control over your own perspective and attitude, so rock it! Own what you have, be proud of who you are, and don't you dare hold back. Let's all allow our best selves to burst through and live every day head-over-heels in love with life.

Back to 2/18/2019… So what just happened?

That was the shortest least advice/tip packed post ever written right? But that’s because specific advice wasn’t necessary or helpful, instead it’s the energy that is helpful!

Take a look at the way I was thinking. Was it rigid and logical? Was it whimsical with no real roots? No, it was a balance. I was true to myself, I followed what I felt called to do, trusted myself, and did what needed to be done. All at once! The best things in life fall into place when you 1. NOTICE what is calling (or NOT calling) to you and 2. listen to that by DECIDING to do whatever it takes to make it happen. That’s it. The advice can’t be specific step-by-step actions because we are all different and our callings aren’t identical… but the expansive energy that had everything I wanted in life just tipping into my lap piece-by-piece, that’s a universal energy. That’s living from love and expansiveness rather than from fear, doubt, or self-interest. Take a look at what you naturally love and gravitate toward in life and also at who you naturally gravitate toward and the types of people you love to encounter… and think about what you’re currently unhappy about in your life, but from a playful stance. The whole situation you’re in, it’s like a bunch of Legos you can rearrange at your own will. So which blocks do you want to keep, move around, or take out entirely?

Muster up all of your most expansive, positive, encouraging energy and let loose. See what sort of plan, goal, or mission comes from it, and think about the craziest step you could take to get there. What’s next for you?

P.S. This gorgeous cover photo by 
Steve Halama via Unsplash is the cover for this article because it’s what I want to be doing with my life. ;) I’m ready to get behind this dream, freakin’ finally. So stay tuned for like the next 2 years to see it come to life. Just sayin’.